Beef and Ale Pie

• Take one Friesian dairy cow and artificially inseminate with semen from a bulky beef breed
• After 7 and a half months remove cow from milking parlour
• Expect calf to be born within 2 months
• Within 24 -48 hours of birth remove new calf
• Return mother to milking parlour
• Place calf alone in hutch for between one and 8 weeks
• Castrate male calves as soon as possible (under 3 months there's no need to use an anaesthetic)
• Remove horn buds using caustic paste (take care that paste does not get into eyes)
• Take calf to market (but at no younger than 7 days)
• Rear calf in closed shed ensuring the animals are densely stocked so that no energy is wasted on movement and they fatten as quickly as possible
• Feed calves solids in concentrated pellet form as soon as possible (recycled poultry parts may be included but not the rendered parts of other farm animals like udders and heads which are now banned)
• At between 12 - 18 months transport to abattoir:
  • Take care to keep animals under control when unloading as they tend to panic in unfamiliar places
  • Use electric goads if necessary
• Place in stunning box; animals tend to struggle so try to ensure stunning pistol is applied correctly
• Place on conveyor belt for transferring to slaughter area; slit throat; wait 2 minutes to ensure death has occurred; allow conveyor to carry carcass on for butchering
• Put 2 lb of diced stewed beef in pie with ale, vegetables and beef stock
• Cover with puff pastry and put in hot oven until pastry is golden brown